Snuff
by othrox324
Summary: And I won’t listen to your shame. You ran away you’re all the same. Angels lie to keep control. Ooh, my love was punished long ago. If you still care don’t ever let me know.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything used in this story. The song is Snuff by Slipknot

Here I was sitting in my bedroom alone. I was thinking about Brooke like I always did. Her smile, her laugh, her eyes. I loved everything about her. I had chosen to be with Peyton, but she chose that for me long before I did. She decided that we weren't meant to be together, and that Peyton and I were. I just let her go. But she was no Peyton. I secretly hated Peyton for tearing us apart, and I hated Brooke and myself for letting her. She was a manipulative, backstabbing bitch. I deserved her for letting Brooke go. It was the price I had to pay. Now I was going to marry someone that I hated, someone that I could never love. Someone that I could never be truly happy with.

_**So if you love me let me go**_

_**And run away before I know **_

_**My heart is just too dark to care**_

_**I can't destroy what isn't there**_

_**Deliver me into my fate**_

_**If I'm alone I cannot hate**_

_**I don't deserve to have you**_

_**Ooh, my smile was taken long ago**_

_**If I can change I hope I never know**_

I don't know how Peyton didn't see it. I didn't love her. I never could. I think that deep down she knows that, but she's just so blinded by love and she doesn't want to admit it. I wish she would just leave. Then I wouldn't have to feel guilty every time I look at her. I wouldn't have to lie to her and know that I was secretly destroying our relationship little by little. And in doing that, I was destroying Peyton as well. She just didn't know. She didn't know about me and Brooke. She didn't know about how I had loved Brooke, and how I thought we were going to be together forever. She didn't know about how heartbroken and lonely I was when Brooke left Tree Hill. I knew that it was over once she was gone. I thought that she would never come back. Maybe Brooke and I aren't meant to be. I wouldn't know because I never tried to love anyone else. If I had tried maybe I could have found happiness with another person. But deep down inside I knew that was the last thing I wanted. If I can someday move and be happy without Brooke, I guess I'll never know.

_**I only wish you weren't my friend **_

_**Then I could hurt you in the end**_

_**I never claimed to be a saint**_

_**Ooh, my own was banished long ago **_

_**It took the death of hope to let you go**_

I secretly wished that I wasn't such good friends with Brooke. Then maybe I could be her enemy. Maybe I could hate her then. And if I hated her, I could hurt her. I could make her feel the pain I felt when she broke-up with me, and then make her feel that same pain again like she did to me when she left town. Maybe that would help me feel better. Maybe that would help me let go of her.

_**And I won't listen to your shame**_

_**You ran away you're all the same**_

_**Angels lie to keep control**_

_**Ooh, my love was punished long ago**_

_**If you still care don't ever let me know**_

Brooke can apologize if she wants, but I won't care. It won't make a difference. She ran from me. She ran from her problems in Tree Hill just like everyone else did. She ran to get away from it all, and then she came back. She made me relive the days I had with her. The days of happiness, love, joy. And the days of hate, anger, sadness. She made all my feelings for her come back. And then we became close again. We were friends again. She didn't want to be more than that. I remember running into her the night Peyton said no to my proposal, and it felt just like old times when we were together. Then I kissed her, and she pushed me away. She gave me this long lecture about how Peyton loved, and I loved her, and we weren't in high school anymore. And then she left.

I don't know whether or not she really wanted to leave me. I don't know if she still had the same feelings that I did. If she does I hope she doesn't tell me. I hope she just keeps it to herself. I've felt that pain of losing her so many times. I can't bear it again.

_**If you still care don't ever let me know**_


End file.
